Eulogy for Annette Monheit by Leslie Spaiser

Written for the Memorial Service held in Berkeley California on Sunday May 18th 1997

 

Annette Monheit, Sister and Friend

Annette was born in Brooklyn New York, of parents Estelle and Morris Spaiser and attended Hunter College where she was drawn to and studied the visual arts. She was also culturally aligned with socialist causes, very much in keeping with a long tradition of unionism and democratic politics in her family.

In this setting she met and eventually married Robert (Bob) Trupin, a student of Mathematics and Physics of similar political inclination. Shortly thereafter Bob enlisted in the Air Force, an honorable but major commitment. He was trained and sent for active duty to an Air force base here in California. Annette followed her husband (and unfortunately did not follow up on a potential career in the arts). On November 25, 1958 she gave birth to her first daughter Naomi.

However - Strains on the marriage due to Bob's long enlistment and other factors led to the weakening and eventual dissolution of this marriage. It is notable however that in spite of this the Trupin family continued to embrace Annette as a close friend - something she greatly appreciated.

At that time Annette, out of necessity learned to cope as a single parent struggling with but carrying out the responsibility of mother and provider. She made friends among other single parents and did her best to raise her daughter Naomi. She worked at various times as the executive secretary to a small company that sold "gyrocopters" - glider helicopters that were towed behind a car to lift off, and which, like a glider, was piloted to the ground as it dropped. I am still not sure she enjoyed the rides she got with her boss (it was essentially a two person lawn chair with helicopter blades and a "stick" to steer). I trust there were seat belts.

Annette also became her neighborhood Avon Lady - selling the Avon line of products door to door.

After several years, she met and became engaged to David Monheit, a Statistician, Musician and Musician's Union Elected Official. She married David in 1967 and they moved to their own home in Berkeley where Annette gave birth to her second child Julie.

In 1989 David Monheit became suddenly ill with pancreatic cancer and passed away in a short time. The strain of all of this left Annette severely weakened and also may have precipitated a case of Parkinson's Disease. Ultimately the condition became serious and on May 2 1997, she died of heart failure no doubt a consequence of the disease that was consuming her.

These last years however, showed the true success that Annette had actually achieved - in both of her daughters who inherited all of her best strengths and character traits. Naomi, herself married and having a newborn attended to her mother's needs never abandoning her to the care of strangers or others that were not also trusted friends. Julie, being younger was most concerned and upset seeing her mother in this condition and did all she could again, never abandoning her mother but also, perhaps having learned the lesson her mother failed to adhere to put a great emphasis on her needs to grow up as a normal teenager. Also to Annette's gratification she chose and is succeeding extremely well in pursuit of her credentials to become a Registered Nurse, a course that follows with her natural trait of caring for others.

Finally we cannot end the story of Annette's life without including as much as any dear family member, her friend and constant companion, Robert Ek. First as helpful and mutual friend Robert was a regular guest helping Annette with the chores of the day in exchange for dinner every night (when Annette could still provide this) and for the companionship he also undoubtedly enjoyed. Many a night after dinner and an evening of sharing a video or television program, and long after Annette retired to sleep, Robert cleaned the dishes, walked the dog and went home. As Annette became more and more disabled, however, Robert stopped going home and slept on the couch to be there when Annette would need help at all hours of the night.

Eventually Robert would become her constant caretaker as well as continuing the relationship as companion. As the condition grew worse Robert's true nature as a human being came forward and there was no situation he could not handle to try his best to keep Annette comfortable. He remained the truest and finest devoted friend until he himself was disabled and hospitalized for a nerve injury requiring a long convalescence. Because of Robert, along with the strength of Naomi who with husband Steve, often came to Annette's house and performed sometimes endless chores requiring the physical strength and stamina the young posses. In this way they somehow made it through. Julie also helped as much as she could although she was attending school in the Northern part of the state which limited her access to Berkeley.

This is her testament then, that in spite of the most difficult of situations these people especially, but also all of the people gathered at this memorial service never abandoned Annette because they knew that this special person would, could she have, done the same for them.

Annette's remains will be buried alongside those of her last husband David Monheit in the Redwood forest town of Guerneville California, near the Russian River in Northern California.

 

Leslie H. Spaiser

May 16, 1997

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