(preliminary)
Memoirs - My Mom and Dad
(preliminary)
My mother and father were lower middle class people who both grew up in France and emigrated to New York. They met at a "Club Francais" a social club for French speaking people.
When I was old enough to understand and had undergone psychoanalysis I found out that my mother did not really like my father. However in "those days" you stayed together anyway. During a very candid period (I believe after my father was dead) she told me that she stayed married to him "because of us (me and my sister)." This in fact, was nonsense - the reason they stayed together was that they were totally co-dependant - stuck with each other.
From what I learned it was my mother who was belligerent. Apparently her underlying motive for marrying my father was that he represented a good prospect (for a comfortable - and more likely a well-to-do life). The only positive thing might have been that he was handsome (as she was quite attractive). Those would be good reasons if not for what I already said about them. Perhaps the attractive aspect came first (a good thing) followed by the dissolution my mother told me about that led to her not liking him. Her dissolution was her problem.
As she related it to me she "expected" that since his father was the owner of a good business, that as the oldest son, he would "inherit" the business and be the next boss. Obviously the boss of a good business lived well, especially by her standards. My paternal grandfather even owned his own large home - something my mother could only (and apparently did) dream of.
There were probably two disillusionments - the first when she found out that my father's job in the business was as my grandfather's chauffer and in no way part of management. Instead it turned out that the younger son, my uncle Ben, was the aggressive and probable heir to the business.
To add insult to injury (in my mother's mind), when Ben went to Europe with the American Army he (symbolically) turned the business over to my father (sold it for $1) in case he did not return. The business continued running without Ben (and without my father's help) because it was a partnership my grandfather was in and the older partner was still in charge and able to manage it without Ben.
The only concession to family ties other than the symbolic sale was that my father was "a chief employee" meaning that he got the best of the jobs out in the field since some were pretty unpleasant (working on installing windows in unfinished buildings - freezing in winter). My father got all of the "inside jobs" (as many as there were) such as re-insulating leaky windows in wealthy (and sometimes famous) people's Manhattan apartments.
After the war, my uncle Ben returned, unharmed, and my father sold back his share of the business for $1, something that was probably understood when Ben left. My mother, on the other hand saw my father's owning of half of the business as my father's opportunity to step in as the Spaiser partner and realize her dream of a prosperous life, something Ben had already established for his family. She had no conception of the psychology involved and that my father was just not able to assume that role. When he actually returned the business to Ben (in good faith) I think she really hated him.
But, as I said co-dependence ruled their existence and they stuck together, my mother an angry dominant woman, and my father, a passive man. This had a devastating effect (not the beneficial effect my mother used as an excuse for staying with him), on myself and my sister. We were very "messed up" children and suffered psychologically as a result.
And although I wish my father had been a stronger man, the truth is he had many merits, and did his best with my domineering mother. He was kind and honest, traits I admire more than aggressiveness. (Although I did - and do - like my uncle Ben, because he was a good man as well.) I hope it runs in the male side of the family since I fancy I have similar traits as does Ben's son Mitch, who has been nothing but kind and helpful to me - when I was recently very ill, (and even my mother - when he could).
I might add that even though the weather-stripping company was not in any way a corporation, after my father died, Ben provided a pension from the company (probably the only case of any pension), to my mother sending her a check for $500 every month, a good sum in those days.
I have more to say about them but for now please refer to the related document, The Saga of Our Family and particularly the section "The Family of Estelle and Morris Spaiser."
For a more genealogical in depth look at my ancestry you can peruse the entire website about The Chayt (mom's family) Family History and a much less detailed overview of the Spaiser family history.
Temporary End